The people have spoken. “We don’t care.”

The election results are almost in.

We made a decision as a nation. And that decision is, “Whatever.”

Neither major party has a mandate.
That’s not to say there isn’t a mandate. The Australian people have essentially said, “Look, Nobby, you’ve bored the pants off us for 6 weeks, and now you’re upset that we’re telling you we don’t give a shit. Why don’t you all just get into a room and figure it out. Then get back to us when you’ve got something to say.”

And it’s not that hard to have something to say.

Labour – the small “L” liberals – should have been talking about nation building and how Australia isn’t as rooted as the rest of the world because Little Kevvy gave everyone $900. For crying out loud. Costello and Johnny had ten years of the best economic conditions the world has ever seen and the best they could think of was the “Future Fund”. Why be silent on the economy? That should have been the key issue. You didn’t just drop the ball. You couldn’t even find the damn thing.

And man up about sacking the leader. For crying out loud. We all saw it. Acknowledge it. Give him a hero’s funeral if nothing else. Then talk about building. Not moving forward. Moving up.

Labour are, historically, the nation builders. They should have been talking under the umbrella of “A Fair Go for Everyone” – levelling the playing field – and talked about investing in health, education, water and infrastructure. So everyone would be better off.

But it seems like health was a non-event. Education had the shadow of school halls rort hovering over it. Fuck it, Julia. Take it on. Every government “Big Spend Initiative” is going to have rorters lining up for their free piece of the government pie. It wouldn’t have mattered which party was in. The fact is we need investment in schools. Most schools are thanking their stars that someone is allowing them to build bloody anything. Not every school has access to big money benefactors. Schools – and parents – are grateful. It makes it easier to give kids a better education. And yet the government was silent on the issue. Morons.

And water. Other than carbon emissions, the biggest challenge facing our country EVER. Without water we die. But did either party stop sipping their imported tipple of choice long enough to piss on the rhododendrons? No.

Infrastructure. Come on Julia. Talk up the NBN. Country folk and regional people and business wallahs and educators and families are screaming for the freedom broadband can offer – fucking FREEDOM Julia, it doesn’t come much bigger than fucking freedom – and your side seemed to be happy with talking about extra rations of gruel from the warders. Tony slipped up big time withy Kerry O’Brien and your side didn’t pick up the ball. If anything, you seemed to stop and give him a hand up, dust him off, give him the ball back and say, “There you go mate, have another go.”

And not just health, education, water and infrastructure. Talk about how those are relevant to giving everyone a fair go.

A fair go for everyone.

It’s not that fucking hard, Julia.

A fair go with their health. A levelled education playing field. Enough water so we can just get on with it. And infrastructure – transport and telecommunications – so businesses can compete fairly.

So everyone gets their fair share.

And Tony? Tony. Tony. Tony.

I know a conservative is someone who doesn’t believe something should ever be done for the first time, but does that mean you had to run such a small minded campaign?

The Labour government are misfiring more than a 1960 Falcon with water in the petrol tank and all you can talk about are the bloody boats? You get all the heartache you deserve.

The conservatives (ironically called The Liberals) are nation managers.
There’s nothing wrong with managing the nation. It’s a steady-as-she-goes position and in a global economy as stuffed as this one, not a bad position.

You’re investors. You don’t spend. You encourage spending. Don’t build the road yourself – encourage others to build them. And take all the money you get from us, and pop it in the bank. Just like Mum and Dad used to do.

You are self-determination crowd.

The harder we work, the smarter we work, the better off we deserve to be. You should be the risk/reward crowd. But you ran a campaign so devoid of risk it’s no wonder you got bugger all reward for your efforts.

The conservatives should have been talking about putting a system in place that rewards people for having a go.

HAVE A GO.

Tell people, “Take the risk. Be wealthy. Be happy. Be whatever you want. We’ll take care of the big things.”

(Here’s the hint Tony. Do this, and you can talk about health and water and infrastructure and education – you get to steal the march on the Labour Party heartland – because you can fit everything under this neat umbrella. You ask us to stand up for real action. And then your party does nothing but call the other side names. That’s not action. That’s retarded.)

The one bright moment for the liberals was Malcolm Turnbull (on Q&A or Insight or whatever) agreeing that money needed to be spent to keep us out of the global toilet, but that a conservative government would have invested in infrastructure.

Fuck me. Almost sounds like the start of a real debate.

And then nothing. Almost as if both parties could smell the stench of responsibility and decided to all duck their heads back into the sweet smell of the sewer.

I think Mr Oakes was right when he called both leaders “political pygmies.”

The Big Loz was pointing to a lack of thinking on both sides. Not only no big ideas. No small ideas either.

It’s like a shopping list of stuff they heard at the supermarket.

I think both campaigns smacked of arrogance. Both major parties seemed to be saying, “It’s too difficult for the small people to understand. Just leave it to us. It’s too complicated to explain. We’ll look after it, trust us.”

Grow up. Please.

Both major parties act like there are only two choices.

Acting like we had to pick one or the other. No wonder half the country told both of them to get rooted.

That’s the result of the two-party preferred system. (Don’t get me started. That’s a while other rant.)

Both leaders are talking about negotiating with independents – but the only words I’m hearing seem to suggest they’re approaching it like the independents should be honoured or morally bound to opt for them.

Does anyone in Canberra actually understand politics and diplomacy?

Anyone?

While there are some very good people on both sides, the idiots in the party are dragging those people down to their level and beating them with experience. Bludgeoning them to death with mediocrity.

The people have spoken.

You shit me to tears. Both of you.

You don’t deserve to run the country. Neither of you.

Bad polly.

Now. Go to your room and don’t come out until you’re ready to apologise.